I disclosed early to a co-worker we were expecting. That was, oh, at week six? I had no grand scheme for announcing things at work. I suspect this is due to two things. As a man, the notion of a life-changing work arrangement due to pregnancy is less common. Also, I figure, why the drama? Nobody tracks my progress in the tabloids. I do that myself, right here.
As for that first bit, the man-culture bit: It has become clear to me I’ve made some huge assumptions about how I’d conduct myself, and what I’d engage in if/when parenting became a reality. To first qualify this statement: I consider myself more open to different things. I think of myself as, oh, less constrained to Midwestern folkways.
That said, did I ever think I’d quit my job? From the time I could ask myself that question until this year, the answer was always the same: Never. Not ever.
Perfectly sane people have asked me if I’d take a permanent leave of absence. One the face of it, this is fair to ask. I’m a hospital social worker. Cheri is a state attorney. Ultimately, we both work for the same government system, but she makes more. Had the recession never happened, our pay gaps would have widened further this year. Of course, that’s not happening now; wages are frozen for many people. Both of us acknowledge neither of us can take a huge leave. We’re in a boat shared with millions of people. We incurred debts to go to school, now we need to eliminate them. We also want the things new families want, such as a house. I’ll get into that in another post, but for now, both of us see ourselves as continuing to work.
My job, however, does not exist in my own private vacuum. A case in point: my voluntary on-call scheduling. One of the most rewarding parts of my job is to come in on the weekend and work with families who are facing the death of a loved one. I also work with the state organ procurement organization should the family support organ donation. It’s grueling work, but also work I love to do.
As of today, I quit that.
I didn’t want to quit, but I couldn’t take just a few months off; new people have be trained, and that is more work and more complicated, had I kept a foot in it. As of July 1st, I’ll make even less money (though negligible in the long term). But, I’ll have my weekends back.
